I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
