I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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