he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
