It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
