I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
