in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
