i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
