dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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