this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
