Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
