the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
