I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
