Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
