meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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