The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
