I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
