I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
