how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
