yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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