I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
