If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
