I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
