4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
