Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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