I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
