maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
