I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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