I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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