I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
