long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am available for nakedness
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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