Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
