He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
