he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
