I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
