I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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