idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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