I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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