Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
