Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
