I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
