Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
