If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
