Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
