Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
