i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
