may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
