Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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