New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
