I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How does one acquire holy water?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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