So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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